casual sex

45 days: day 21

3 weeks I have been taking the GNC Women’s Ultra Mega Energy & Metabolism supplements. It has helped curb my appetite a bit and that is enough for me. Especially at work. I am on day 6, I think, of counting calories and that has been going well. It would go a lot better if I didn’t obsess about it. It’s making me miserable. I can have a cookie, chips, a sandwich or ice cream if I want, as long as I stay within my set calorie limit, but I keep denying myself those things because I feel like it is cheating.  Sigh.

I went to the gym tonight and did 45 minutes on the treadmill, burning 314 calories. I weighed myself and am at 178.8. Who would have thunk it? Not overeating, counting calories and going to the gym is helping me lose wight. It’s a miracle!

I still want cookies.


pointless kik rant because i’m annoyed

I started another chat room on kik. This one is for single lesbians who are looking for more than just a hook up. I posted on craigslist looking for members.


You are right to laugh at me, Homer.

I have 14 members so far and as usual not a single lesbian among them. Well, except me. I’m really starting think that I am the only actual lesbian in existence if craigslist is anything to go by. Every single time I post I get men and married bi women messaging me to join. No lesbians.

This was one of the messages I received in reference to the part of my ad that states people who want to join need to be verified. This is exactly how it was sent to me.

“verfiy this 10.5 inches and luv every inch that you will be recving”

Off to a great start!

Women on craigslist are becoming just as bad. I added a woman to the chat and then messaged her to let her know she’d been added. She thanked me and then a couple of minutes later she sent me a picture of her ass. Jesus Christ. I fucking hate that.

I didn’t ask for a picture of her ass. Do these people know that Google images exist? I can look at all types of asses whenever I feel like it. And her ass has the same effect those do…NONE. Random asses, tits and vaginas don’t do anything for me and I let her know that. A little harsh? Perhaps, but I was just not in the mood to deal. It happens way too much. I’d had a guy the day before message me a picture of his ass in a woman’s thong. I was still peeved from that.

I wanted this room to be more of a dating hub. You know, for people who were NOT looking for fuck buddies, casual sex, or hook-ups, but who were looking for actual relationship possibilities. I stated that, very clearly, in the ad. Sadly, I went into the room last night and the women were talking about how horny they were and posting pictures of their tits and asses. Sigh.

I’m not trying to be a prude or anything, but c’mon. This is not what this particular room is for. I have another failure on my hands.


45 days: day 16

16th day of taking the supplements and the 2nd day of counting calories. Today my caloric intake was 1,135 and I burned 219 cals at the gym. I weighed myself and am at 182.0lbs.

I am doing ok fighting off the urge to eat when I’m not really hungry. I hope I can keep this up for the rest of the week. As long as there are no interruptions I will be fine. I just have to stay focused and on schedule.

45 days: day(s) 13 & 14

I’ve missed blogging for 2 entries. I kept forgetting. I have not missed any supplements, but I am becoming a little frustrated because I have not lost any weight. I am yo-yo-ing between 181lbs and 184lbs. I didn’t want to do it, but today I am going to start counting calories. Grrrr. 1,200 cals a day and then burn at least 200 at the gym.

exactly how does one pull themselves out of the dumpster fire that is their life?

I’m going take a break from blogging about my supplement taking and write a little about the rest of my life.

“It’s terrible.” 

What’s wrong with it?

“A lot.”

I need to fix my life.

I mean, I have the very basics down- job, reliable transportation, place to live, health insurance (finally!). I’ve done ok with that. It’s the outside things that I’m having trouble with. I’m in quite a bit of debt. I don’t know how to make or maintain friendships. I have not dated in forever. I’m a minimum of 40lbs overweight.


The good thing about all of my issues is that they are all fixable issues. I can change them….you know, if I wasn’t such a dolt.

Debt- I have almost $70,000 worth of debt. Yikes! That is a big ass number. Student loans and taxes. The student loans are understandable, but the taxes should have never happened. I allowed them to snowball and now I’m paying (ha!) the consequences. My credit is shit and I will probably never see another tax refund.

It eats at me because I can’t enjoy my money. I don’t make a lot, but if I didn’t have these two black clouds over me I could actually save a little and still have some left over to enjoy frivolous things. Oh well. No one to blame, but myself. I need to figure out how to get from under this.

Friendships- I have not made/had a friend in 6 or 7 years. If exes do not count as friends then it’s been way longer than that. I have work friends. People I talk to and am friendly with while at work, but I would not want to spend any time with them away from work.

I am kind of friendly with someone I met in my now deleted KIK group. We text every now and then, but neither one of us has suggested meeting since she had to bow out of our movie meet up. I’m not really looking forward to meeting any way. She seems friendly enough, but she also seems like she has a lot going on.

She is a closeted bi woman who’s in a relationship with a man she does not like and is only with because they have a kid. Don’t misunderstand, this isn’t going to be a romantic meeting between us. I’m not into her like that. She also has a kid aaaand I don’t like kids. I’m not sure how this is going to work.

I have not been trying to meet anyone lately. Friendship or otherwise. I feel like I should be out trying to make some sort of social connections, but at the same time I feel over it. I don’t want to put the work in. I’m sure I’ll be going deeper into this in another post.


May I borrow those, Principal Skinner?

Dating- Aaaaarrrrggghhh!! I’ve all but given up on dating. I just don’t want to do it. Online dating is so fucked! So many flakers. Jesus Christ. And it doesn’t just happen to me. In my old kik group there were complaints from almost every one about the same issues. Hell, there was a woman in the group who lied about having HIV just to get out of the friends with benefits thing she had with another woman in the group. What in the ever loving fuck is wrong with people!? Just horrible story after horrible story. It’s become such a drag.

I’ve also become insanely picky. Annoyingly so, even to myself. Almost anything can turn me off. The last woman had gotten bangs shortly after we started talking and for whatever reason they made her instantly unattractive to me. Luckily, down the road she confessed to having herpes and I found out she was married so it was easy to get out of that situation without feeling guilty. I should have been upset because she lied to me about being married, and I was a little, but when I really think about it, I was more relieved that I would not have to lie about liking her bangs or being ok with dating someone who has herpes.

40lbs to lose– Working on this one. Taking it slow.

There are other things, but I don’t feel like writing any more. I’m bumming myself out.






45 days: day 5

I missed posting this at my regular time. I had another weird day. I was still feeling nauseous yesterday after I woke up and had to work on what normally would have been my day off. Top it all off with having a training class with people who made my anxiety shoot through the roof, it made for a pretty fucked up day. How I got through yesterday? I do not know.

I came home and ate a little, tried my best to calm down and went to sleep. I took the supplements before work and I still can’t tell if they are causing the nausea because the nausea never went away from the day before. So it still could have been the milk and donut I had after work the night before.

No gym.

I weighed myself after work. 181.8lbs. A one pound gain from the last weigh in. Not too upset about it though. I’m more worried about why I’ve been sick the past couple of days. This isn’t like me. I’m hoping it’s PMS related. It’s about that time. I don’t want to give up milk and donuts.