incoming call…
My alarm goes off every morning at 5:30am. When that happens I hit the snooze button and try to go back to sleep. This morning was no different. A few seconds after I tried to return to my dreams, the ringtone I use for my 5:30 alarm sounded again. Those five minutes went by too fast, I said. I started to hit the snooze button, but noticed that it wasn’t the alarm, it was someone calling me. I looked at the caller ID. It was Her.
So many times over the last 4 months I had received that wake-up call from her. Her telling me about her night; me closing my eyes and getting lost in her voice. Her voice is so sexy. Smooth. Perfect pitch. The past couple of weeks I missed it more than she will ever know, because I will never tell her. I answered calmly. “I just wanted to call you at 5:30 and wake you up.” She said. I told her I was happy she called. She asked me how I was doing. I side stepped the question and asked about her. We talked about her Mom, she’s doing about the same. Not good. I really feel for her and her Mom.
She asked me who was lying next to me in my bed. I laughed and told her that I wished it was her (laaaaaame). We talked about a few other things. She asked when I was going to rent a car again so we could meet for some crabs. I told her I didn’t know, maybe a couple of weeks. She sounded disappointed.
I changed the subject. We started talking about the upcoming weekend. I told her I was going to a festival. She asked who I was going with. She always asks me that. I’m smart enough to never ask that question of her…I know if she tells me she will be somewhere with someone else I will feel down. I told her I didn’t know. She asked if I were going to be with my ex. I again said I didn’t know and tried to change the subject. She asked if I had posted again on CL…I told her I did. We joked about how dangerous CL is. She told me to be careful.. I told her not to worry. Then she called me gullible!! The conversation ended and I started to get ready for work. We talked for 28 minutes. I miss her so much, but I didn’t let her know that. I’m so confused.
I hate relationships. I hate breakups. I just want to go back to how my life was before we met: sitting around all weekend playing Final Fantasy 12 & watching episode after episode of the Simpsons & MST3K. Getting fat as hell off of Ice Cream, Burgers & Butterfingers. No hurt. No confusion. No yearning. Well, I guess there was some yearning, that’s why I placed the ad in the first place.
Why do we do it? Why do we seek out companionship?
